Post by ♥ Phoenix ♥ on Nov 25, 2010 2:03:17 GMT -5
WARNING: self harm, suicide attempt, character deaths
Hermione gritted her teeth as the blade touched her skin, leaving a red trail as it slid across. She hissed as she watched blood drip from the freshly made wound. It was painful, but that was the only way she was coping. After the war, she withdrew into herself. She had seen too much death that night of the war and though she tried putting on a brave face for her friends, deep down the events of Voldemort's fall and of the whole night was painfully etched into her heart, the only thing that helped was more pain. She leaned up against the bathtub in the head students' bathroom. She had been made head girl and as much to her despite, she was unfortunate to have Draco Malfoy sharing the dorm with her as head boy. The razor clattered to the floor with a soft thud on the tiles. Hermione's eyes stared at the wound, transfixed on the blood. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back, the pain blocking out memories of that night. Moments later she heard the common room portrait open and she knew she had to move. Wrapping a bandage around her arm, she pulled down the long sleeve of her school uniform before cleaning up the mess she had made with a simple flick of her wand. She moved out of the bathroom, headed down to the common room to see Draco sit down on the couch. She grabbed a book from the bookshelf without looking at Draco and headed up to her room, where she knew she'd be alone, away from his taunts and insults. She laid on her bed, opened her book but instead of reading, she went back to her injured arm, unwrapping the bandage to stare at it once more.
She walked up to Harry and Ron the next morning, a fake smile plastered on her face, something she had perfected, so well that not even her 2 best friends could tell the difference. Even the teachers didn't suspect a thing, not even the boy she had to share her dorm with. It was just the way she liked it, the way she wanted it kept. It was like a secret between her and her razor, no one else. She turned her head to the professor's table to see Professor McGonagall sitting in the middle. The old witch had become the headmistress. Turning back to Harry and Ron she glared at them, all they were talking about was Quidditch, not their NEWTS.
"Come on, you need all your time to study. I'm not helping you this year," she replied, like her smile that she had perfected so well, even her voice was too. She hid the pain and suffering from her voice, making sound as normal as possible.
"But Hermione, you always help us," Ron started as he turned to her.
"No Ron. Not this time, I can't, I have my own NEWTS to study for and besides I have the extra work of being Head Girl," she replied to him. Ron was about to open his mouth again, to argue so more, to try and persuade her to help them but was stopped when Harry put his arm on Ron's shoulder.
"She's right, Ron," he said and Hermione nodded at Harry. At least he understood, well somewhat. They said nothing as they scanned their class schedules as they were handed them. Hermione studied the chart, catching her breath when she saw the defence against the dark arts class. She knew she had to get over the fact that she had seen and lived through so much of the dark arts. She took one last gulp of her water before excusing herself, heading straight to her dorm.
The blade twirled around her fingers as she contemplated on whether to cut herself again or not.
"What are you doing, Granger?" Draco's voice snapped her back into reality. She dropped the razor in surprise and turned around.
"What do you want Malfoy?" she avoided his question with one of her own. She turned and picked up the razor, putting it back on the shelf, proceeding to grab her toothbrush and toothpaste, making it look like she wanted to brush her teeth. She stuck it in her mouth. She glanced behind her, he was still there.
"Get out Malfoy," she spoke around the brush. She watched him leave in the mirror and she sighed. He nearly saw what she was going to do, what she was thinking of doing.
For months she watched as she drew red lines on not just her arms but her legs and thighs were people couldn't see them and everyone around her was oblivious to the fact that she inflicted harm upon herself. Draco hadn't bothered her for the past months either, though he took to watching her intensely, like he was trying to figure out what was going on through her head. She often brushed him off when he spoke to her; she didn't need to put up with him.
The pain in her chest was getting worse and unbeknown to her it showed in her eyes. She stepped through the common room portrait and yawned. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Draco sitting up, like he was waiting for her. He turned and looked at her before moving from the couch and heading in her direction. Hermione tried to run to her bedroom but was caught off guard by Draco reaching out and clamping his hand on her arm. She smiled inwardly, as it was the other arm that she had been cutting. He forced her against the wall, his hand releasing her wrist only to be placed on either side of her head, preventing her from escaping.
"You're hiding something Granger, I can see it in your eyes," his voice shook her. She knew her eyes would betray her sooner or later.
"I...," she raised her head so her eyes met his, "I don't know what you mean." Her voice was strong, stronger than what she wanted it to be but it worked, he removed his hands and turned from her.
"I'll find out one way or another," and with that he went to his room, slamming the door shut. She quickly went up to her room and closed the door, locking it before sliding down it, silent tears falling from her eyes. He was suspicious, her acting must be wavering. She managed to make it to her bed, placed a silencing charm on the room and cried her eyes out that night. Crying helped ease the pain but not as much as seeing the red liquid of life running from her veins.
Draco never spoke to her about it after that, but she always felt his eyes burning holes in the back of her head. The only time when she was alone was when she was patrolling, knowing that he was elsewhere in the castle. It was up on the astronomy tower that she decided to do it. Before the 2nd wizarding war, she would have never considered it but right here, right now, it was the perfect opportunity to do so. She moved to the railings and placed her hands on it. Her arms trembled as she hoisted herself up onto the top rail so she was sitting on it. She swung her legs over and looked down. She gulped as her mind begun to try and rationalise with her. Her fingers loosened their grip on the rail. She sat like that for a while before finally plucking up more courage that she thought she didn't have. It was now or never. She stood, her feet standing on the tiny ledge just beyond the railing and with one last thought of both Harry and Ron she pushed herself off the tower. The air was wonderful; she could just imagine an angel would fall from heaven like this. She watched the ground rushed closer to her. She closed her eyes and waited for the impact.
It was hard, cold and oh so painful. This pain was different from the rest and she welcomed it with open arms. Yes Hermione Granger was waiting to die a lonely death, at the place she thought of as her second home. Her eyes flickered open as she tried to cough, bringing up a good amount to blood. Good she thought as she watched the dark liquid spread across the grounds before closing her eyes again, her breathing becoming shallower and shallower. She heard faint footsteps in the distance, but hopefully before that person found her, she'd be once again reunited with those that had died in the war.
She could hear voices, but none of the sounded like those she wanted to be reunited with, where was Dumbledore? Where was Fred? Or what about Snape, what she wouldn't do just to here even his voice again. The voices became clearer and she could distinguish Professor McGonagall, Madam Pomfrey and... Draco. What the hell was he doing here, why was he here? She took a deep breath and pain tore through her body. She bit back tears as she forced her eyes to open. There she saw both the headmistress and the nurse at the foot of her head, talking and Draco, who sat beside her having his input every now and then. She took another breath and this time couldn't help but whimper. The voices stopped and looked at her.
"Miss Granger," Professor McGonagall spoke. Hermione knew she wanted to ask what had happened but had decided against it as Madam Pomfrey begun assessing her wounds. She could still taste the blood in her mouth and it made her want to be sick. Somehow someone knew and pushed a bucket into her hands where she promptly threw up, most of it being blood. She was given an injection for it before given a goblet of some sort of healing potion, though she couldn't work out which on in her current state. She fell asleep shortly after.
When her eyes flicked open again, she saw the concerned looks on her friend's faces. Both Harry and Ron were leaning over her. She lifted a hand, wanting them to get out of her face.
"Wh...What happened?" she asked as she tried sitting up in bed. Most of the pain had faded, leaving a bearable amount.
"Don't you remember what happened?" Ron asked. She knew what happened; she placed that memory in her mind over and over, learning every detail. Her first suicide attempt was a failure; someone had gotten to her before she had been able to pass over to the other side. She shook her head. Harry and Ron looked at one another.
"Do you know who found you?" Harry asked, again she shook her head.
"Tell me," she said her voice coming out as a creaking whisper. They proceeded to tell her that it was Draco that had found her and must to their dislike, saved her by bringing her to the hospital wing. They hadn't been told until earlier that morning. They stayed there for a few more hours until it was ready to go down to the Great Hall for dinner. They had said they'd come back to see her after but she insisted that they spent their time studying and completing homework. As much as they didn't want to, they agreed.
"Finally awake Granger," a voice snapped her out of her dreamy state. She turned in time to see Draco place himself in the seat next to the bed. It had been a few hours, a few hours of her time lost daydreaming.
"You should have left me," was the first words she said to him.
"I know I've been a jerk for the past 6-7 years, but I'm trying to change that. Besides if that was me, I know you'd have done the same thing," he replied. She nodded before finding that Draco had moved closer to her.
"I know what your game is now Granger, though what I can't understand is why," his voice didn't have any of the malice it once held. Maybe he was right about trying to change.
"The pain was too much," she whispered, looking down at her hands, "Ever since that night of... Voldemort's death, it's been eating me inside. I can't stand the pain." She closed her eyes and let a tear slide down. Draco hadn't said anything but she knew he was still there. After a while she heard his voice.
"You haven't told Potter and Weasel have you Granger... Hermione," he asked, liking how her name just rolled off his tongue. She simply shook her head.
"I've been down that road before, I know what it's like," he pushed the sleeve of his shirt up and showed the old healed scars of his own.
"I had no one to help me and some days I don't know how I pulled myself out of it. It's like an addiction," she nodded at this, it was most definitely like an addiction, no worse an obsession, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'd stand by you, that I'll be by your side and help you through it." She took his words in, the old Malfoy she knew would never have said this, and she was grateful.
"Thank you," she whispered, hoping that he'd keep to his word.
Weeks flew by and he had stuck to his word. He never got angry at her for the continuous cutting, sometimes healing her afterwards and before too long the she was cutting less, but the pain was still there, growing and getting worse and worse. But he stayed, he helped and damn it Hermione even grew to care for him too. His eyes never judged her like before, only showing warmth, caring and possibly even love, nothing like the cold, dead eyes she once seen him with. She stopped cutting altogether, and yet they still grew closer, she could just imagine what his father would say, a pureblood associating with her, a muggle-born or as Lucius liked to call them, mud-bloods. That simple though made it all rush back, worse than before. There she stood, watching the fire, with her wand in her hand. Draco was late from doing a patrol around the castle. She needed him; she needed him now, more than ever.
Draco had a bad feeling as he made his way to the dorm. As the portrait swung open he took everything in. Nothing seemed out of place. He walked in and that's when he saw her. He knew it was too late to do anything, too late to save her; she was already gone, lost from the world of living. But that didn't stop him for rushing to her broken body, his whole frame shook with sobs as he cried, cradling her body to him. He sat and rocked back and forth, mumbling her name until he couldn't take it anymore.
"Why Hermione, why'd you do this to me," he yelled up at the ceiling before more tears cascaded down from his grey eyes. Though his vision was blurry, he took in the surrounding, trying to figure out exactly how she died. Her wand was there, close by and that hurt Draco even more, she killed herself with the thing she was best at; magic.
Her ghostly figure shimmered into the room and upon the sight of Draco; transparent ghostly tears rolled down her cheeks, falling to the floor where they disappeared, the floor dry and untouched as if the tears didn't exist at all.
"Draco," her voice was soft, loving as she moved closer to him. He clutched at her body more, thinking she was still alive.
"Draco," she spoke again, this time her voice was louder and his head snapped up to look at her. He took in her appearance. Her hair was prefect, not a strand out of place and her eyes were warm and full of love. Her clothes were that of her Gryffindor uniform. To him, she looked like an angel.
"I waited for you Draco," she said as she wiped away her own tears, "I waited to say goodbye to you."
"How could you do this Hermione," his voice was barely a whisper but she heard him.
"I was too far gone, I realise that now. I was too far gone before anyone noticed, before I even noticed. I was too far gone for anyone to help," she smiled at him before moving to kneel down next to him, placing a transparent hand on his shoulder. She leant in to place a chaste kiss on his cheek before standing. She walked a few steps away from him, her back turned to him. More and more tears flowed down her cheeks as she tried to wipe them away. She wanted to be strong in his presence but couldn't.
"You expect me to just move on," his spoke, raising his voice, "you expect me to forget about you?" He took a breath trying to keep regain on his composure. He was making this harder for Hermione.
"You're wrong Hermione; I'm not that sort of guy that can forget about the one thing that was good in my life," he continued, "I promised you I'd stand by you, that I'd be by your side." She heard the rustling of robes and turned around, he had his wand out.
"I love you Hermione, that's why I've got to do this," he looked up at her and smiled as he drew her dead body closer to him.
"I love you too," she replied before realising what he was about to do. She launched herself at him, going straight through him and her body. She turned around and shook her head as fear etched into her face.
He took a breath and uttered the last words he would ever say alive, "Avada Kedavra."
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The message had gotten around pretty quickly, telling everyone to go to the Great Hall immediately. Harry and Ron hadn't seen Hermione, but knew she'd be in the Great Hall lost in the crowd of people. Students begun whispering, wondering why they were called to a sudden meeting. Professor McGonagall waited until everyone was seated before she begun.
"Today is a sad day," she began before getting straight to the point, "today 2 of our best students are dead." With a flick of her wand 2 coffins appeared with 2 covered easels.
"Mr Draco Malfoy," McGonagall flicked her wand again, the sheet on one of the easels removed itself, revealing a picture of Draco. Shocked gasps were heard through the school, the Head Boy was dead.
"The other is Miss Hermione Granger," with a flick of her wrist yet again, the other easel was uncovered and there sat a picture of Hermione. Harry and Ron looked at one another, not believing that she was dead. Both the Head Boy and Head Girl, together, dead. There were hushed murmurs around as Harry and Ron fought back tears. From the back of the room, the Slytherin Prince and Gryffindor Princess floated into the Great Hall, hand in hand with smiles on their faces as they made their way up to Professor McGonagall, their ghostly forms cementing the fact that they had indeed died.
